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Hey guys!
Hope you're all doing well. The community has been quiet for a few weeks now. Since the end of the challenge I've lost another 6.4 pounds! I'm 10 pounds away from 200. The next goal is to hit 199 by june 21st but I'm not sure if that'll happen. But it definitely will before the end of June!

If anyone is ever craving something sweet, I've discovered an awesome way to enjoy a cupcake without feeling too bad about it.

Make your cupcakes with one can of diet cream soda (or another flavor of choice) with a box of cake mix. Thats all you need, no eggs, oil, or any other fattening ingredient needed! You can make a low calorie frosting too if you wish. My friend calculated that each cupcake is about 100 calories each. I think thats pretty low considering what it is! Just be careful when handling the cupcake if your putting a frosting on it, because it's very soft and moist. Put cupcake sleeves in the cupcake pan, spray with something like pam, put the oven at 365 and bake for 10-15 minutes. Also, fill each cup about halfway with the mix (a little more then half).

Feb. 28th, 2010

I broke my foot the day I decided to be healthy again. I went roller skating with a friend, we were gonna skate every wednesday at the rink because it was open to only 18+ My foot is broken in 2 spots, i'm gonna need physical therapy, and im suppose to stay off my feet as much as possible. When I am walking around i have to use crutches and my body hurts so much from all the weight going on my one leg.

Now because of this im super depressed, hardly moving around, and eating bad food again. ugggh


sorry i just wanted to vent.
Name: Ghosty
Age: 19
Height: between 5'10 and 6' (not been measured since i was 10 and i was 5'10 then
Weight:300lb (i think cause i don't get lbs much)
Highest Weight: this
Lowest Weight: my weight has been progressing since i was born so what ever my birth weight was
BMI: morbidly obese (don't know number help is appreciated though)
Diagnosis and is it self or professional:compulsive and comfort eating self doctors scare me
Photo or link to photo (optional): no working camera will have some up when i have one
Interests (optional): rugby, music, art,
story (optional): ok where to start *thinks* i guess i've allways had problems with weight cause my mum was huge herself and every day of my life for the past 11 years i've been called 'that useless fat cow' or the 'fat pathetic bitch' and my way of coping with that was to go home and eat. and after the death of my mum in 04 it got so bad and after the death of my sister it spiralled out of control and i became the hideous monster thing i an today. i know i will never be able to recover untill i reach my goal weight and i can't even figure out what that is anymore. i try everyday to not eat that bag of crisps or that bag of biscuits but i can't not eat it. i've already restricted my self to one proper meal a day which i can't get out of cause i live at home and if i don't eat it my dad and sis have more reason to make fun of me. i have exercised and didn't loose anything. my weight is so high now i can't find clothes that fit. i need help and i don't know where else to turn so i found this comm
what you want out of the community and what you want to offer (optional): (Example: "I'm here for support from others who know what I'm going through" that sort of stuff: im here for help cause i don't know what to do i've tried everything and nothing ever works help me please there must be someone who knows what im going through?

:(

ugh, i've had such a shitty weekend. well, it's been fine apart from all the food. food everywhere! and i ate everything i could get my hands on. I feel bloated and huge and disgustingly unattractive. This week is going to be PERFECT... i'm not going to fuck up this week. running 4 times, no bingeing, lots of water.

i really, really wish i could afford a Wii. i want Wii fit so much. but, considering i'm currently unemployed and applying for benefits, it's probably not going to happen for a LONG time...

weigh in tomorrow morning. i'm scared

(x-posted)

Beyond frustrated

Hey guys. I hope you're all doing well.

I've been so frustrated and mad this whole week. For the past 14 days I've worked out, all but two days. I usually burn between 300-500 calories a day and I've been eating between 1200-1500 calories a day (mostly. I ate out 2 days however I ate salads and shit when I went out). Last tuesday when I weighed myself I was 237.8 and now I'm 238.4

I don't get it. I should have at least lost a pound with my efforts. I don't have my period so its not that. I don't think its muscle gain since its just aerobics. I'm just really pissed off. I'm beginning to think it's impossible for me to lose weight, really lose weight again. I'd like to lose about 100 pounds but after losing nothing after a whole week... ugh. I don't know if this is because of my hashimotos disease but it shouldn't be because I'm medicated and my tsh levels are normal. I've been doing great for the past 2 weeks. However my first week I lost 6 pounds and now this week I'm even up some. What the hell.

Nov. 27th, 2009

hey guys.. where is everyone lately?

i just wanted to tell you beautiful ladies that i hope you had a happy, bountiful and healthy holiday.

my personal triumph is that my ED did NOT take over my holiday.

i hope you all had a wonderful day. i love you all.

xxoox,
love krissi
ok so i have a question for you ladies that take anti depressants.

first of all.. how effective are they on your recovery? mine seem to work really well as far as getting motivated to move around and stuff.. only i have experienced (a pretty serious) downside.

now.. how many of you experienced your hair thinning? see.. of course the doctors tell me that my meds aren't causing the hair loss. but what doc would say it was the meds? i'm just wondering.. i've been in way more stressful life situations.. what could be causing my hair loss? it's not in my family genes.. so there's no real explanation.

if you have any thoughts.. PLEASE comment. i'm getting really upset about this.


also.. i've had somewhat of a breakthrough. i eat out entirely too much. i eat entirely too much fast food/restaraunt food.. i think that if i didn't eat that stuff.. it would definitely help me a great deal.. and the only other thing is to just not have any sweets in my house. is this realistic? i hope so. i'm just sorta frustrated, is all.
so i'm depressed. the scale read 236. that means i've gained oh like 15 more pounds since like october 17. i am so fucking disgusting and THIS is all my own fault. i get all pumped to lose weight and exercise (and then it gets cold--and i lose all momentum) and try to eat well. then i fuck around and slip one time.. and then BAM it's all back downhill.

i don't know what to do. i sit on this chair and i actually feel my fat disgusting stomach. i feel my love handles. i feel the fat on my arms. and it makes me sick. i make me sick. why is my mind so fucked up that i can't either just be happy or just lose the weight and break this fucking addiction. i'm so sad, and angry with myself.. i feel so unacceptable, to myself, to society.. to terrell. i feel like if i gain enough weight.. maybe he'll leave me. and i see skinny girls walk by and i'll imagine in his mind what he's thinking. about how i'll never look like that. about how i'm about two of her.. about how he's disgusted like i am.

cuz if i'm disgusting to me, i must be disgusting to everyone else.

i wonder if people look at me and think 'hey there goes that fat girl' or if when they see me eating at a restaraunt, they think 'man that fatty is devouring that food.. like she needs it.' and why do i care so much what others think about me? why does what i look like matter.. when i see girls that even look worse than me.. and seem to be so carefree.. without any anxieties about their bodies. without worrying if their ass looks more 'wide load' than 'beyonce' and it makes me crazy!

i just want change. my heart is genuinely aching for change. aching for the cure of a disease.
so i am about to do something i've never done before. in a friends-only entry, i'm going to post a full body picture of myself. because i've heard if you take pictures and you start to realize exactly how you look.. so as a last ditch effort before i go into actual treatment.. i'm going to put it up, and look at it every time i want to binge. or maybe to look at it as i'm bingeing. maybe then i will remember what i hate, and maybe that will help to stop me from bingeing. i dunno. i'm willing to do anything to get better.

so, lj friends, say a small prayer for me tonight. maybe if God hears so many for me, He'll make me better. sigh. i feel like crying, i feel so bad. i just want december 4th to get here so bad. i hope i can hang on until then.

Nov. 17th, 2009

i feel like i'm absolutely crashing + burning.

i have no idea what to do with myself.

i binged so much in the past few days that i actually FEEL bigger. it's like, i don't even do well for a while now. i just BOMB and BOMB and BOMB and then my destructive thinking says: well you've already botched it up, what does anything matter now?

i feel awful. i need help. i almost feel like it's an emergency.

save me from myself. :(